This section of my newsletter is called “Love Letters” and is where I write out my thoughts about my favourite books, movies or tv series without spoilers. Each of these stories touched and impacted me in some way — so I’m very excited to share them with you.
“What he knew, he knew from books, and books lied, they made things prettier.”
- A Little Life
I’ve never been more nervous to read a book. If you’re already familiar with A Little Life’s reputation than you know why — but, if you’re not, then this book was described to me as “one of the most depressing books ever written”. So, as you can imagine from that description alone I was a little afraid to start reading it!
But as I dove into A Little Life this book began to consume me. I read feverishly, sometimes late into the night, desperate and a little frightened to find out what happened next. When I finished, I walked away feeling so many emotions — I was angry and sad and a little resentful — and felt a deep need to look at the people around me differently. It’s truly one of the most incredible, life-changing books I’ve ever read.
Now, the description given to me was right: this book is very depressing. It’s also heartbreaking. At times it’s unbelievably frustrating and a lot of the time it’s tragic. But in-between the moments of painful, unwavering honesty that hit you in the heart with a sledgehammer is also a real, raw humanity that just seeps from it’s pages and into your very being.
And trust me, you’re going to walk away a completely different person.
A Little Life spans across five decades, and focuses on the lives of a group of four best friends in New York City: Willem, a kind and caring actor; JB, a sometimes cruel but incredibly talented artist; Malcom, an aspiring architect who feels frustrated at a successful firm; and Jude, a mysterious and brilliant litigator.
However, as the story progresses, the narrative narrows in on Jude St. Francis. We slowly learn about his traumatic past, and how the demons of it inform and haunt his present. I listened to this wonderful interview with Hanya Yanagihara who stated that her intention when writing this book was to tell the story of somebody who suffered and never got better. A Little Life is essentially the book of Jude — his struggles, his triumphs, his traumas, his moments of happiness, his challenges. His life. And how he, as a very real-feeling human being, creates connections with others whose lives become altered by his presence too. Because we cannot exist in a world without our existence affecting somebody else.
The depiction of Jude’s childhood abuse and subsequent trauma, depression, anxiety and excruciating physical pain are all exceptionally well written. As readers we are spared no mercy as Yanagihara slowly divulges enigmatic Jude’s mysterious past. His tragic early years of abuse, abandonment and violence is sprinkled throughout the book, adding layer after layer to Jude’s character until he feels so real that I found myself wishing I could sink into the book’s pages and give him the biggest hug. Yanagihara is unflinching in her descriptions — the wretched acts of cruelty brought tears to my eye and, at times, made me stop reading altogether — but they are also never sentimentalised or romanticised. It’s a reminder that when somebody suffers through something traumatic they don’t just move on. It stays with them, and can sometimes eats away at them until every day life becomes such a struggle to endure.
But beneath the darkness and torment the book heavily focuses on, at it’s core A Little Life is also a story about friendship — it’s power and it’s limitations — and the people who shape us, support us and love us in ways we may not think possible. The friendship between Jude, Willem, JB and Malcom (as well as their outer circle of friends and family who make just as big of an impact to the story) offers a respite from all the sadness and tragedy by showing the immense kindness and love friends can have for one another. This reminds us that we can create our own families and questions how far we’re willing to go for the people we care about.
It also realistically portrays the way friendship ebbs and flows, because as we grow older we’re not always the same people so our friendships often evolve or devolve in response. Sometimes they become better, deeper, more intimate. And sometimes they stumble or abruptly end, breaking our hearts just as badly as a break-up.
I struggle a lot with recommending this book because as much as I love it and believe it’s beautifully written, the subject matter is heavy and at times can be quite confronting to read. There were plenty of times I needed to take a break from reading simply to give my mind a break. So if you decide to read A Little Life, please keep in mind that it can get incredibly dark and includes multiple types of physical, sexual and psychological abuse, childhood abuse, violence, prostitution, gaslighting, kidnapping, self-inflicted harm, addiction, prejudice and loss/grief. And I would also suggest to be in a good headspace before reading.
And I’ll now finish this love letter with this one final thought: I don’t think I could ever reread A Little Life, but I also don’t think I will ever have to. This story and it’s characters will stay with me, always. Forever engrained into my soul.
Mini Love Note to Jude St. Francis
For me it was the large cast of characters and their relationships with one another that made A Little Life such an incredible book.
It’s always a treat when characters are written to feel like real human beings — and the characters of this book are so devastatingly lifelike that it’s impossible to not become invested in their lives. Each of them are deeply flawed, but they still aspire and dream to do and be better. They are also always trying to be a good friend but that doesn’t mean that their decisions are sometimes the wrong ones. It was like reading about real people — we don’t always get it right.
Since the book focuses so heavily on Jude St. Francis — and on his little life — I found myself constantly thinking about him even when I wasn’t reading. I’d be wiping dishes or vacuuming and start wondering if he was alright. When I’d feel my own chronic pain images of Jude would pop in my mind. I honestly felt like another member of his friendship circle, wanting to reach inside the book and uncover some possible way to help him or be there for him. Even though, like Jude’s friends, in the end I found myself feeling hopeless in my own pursuit to help.
And I think that’s what makes A Little Life the masterpiece that it is. Yanagihara writes Jude — his life, his trauma, his complicated relationships, his very being — so realistically that he becomes a fully formed, real human being to us. We find ourselves caring deeply for him as though he is our own friend. There might be some complaints that this 700-page book is too long, but I think this extra time we have alongside Jude gives us readers the opportunity to forge a deeper bond with him too. It’s why we become so emotionally invested in his little life right up until the end of the book.
Links:
Hanya Yanagihara: “I wanted everything turned up a little too high”
A Little Life: “I forged a deep connection with vulnerable, determined Jude”
Favourite Quotes:
“You won’t understand what I mean now, but someday you will: the only trick of friendship, I think, is to find people who are better than you are—not smarter, not cooler, but kinder, and more generous, and more forgiving—and then to appreciate them for what they can teach you, and to try to listen to them when they tell you something about yourself, no matter how bad—or good—it might be, and to trust them, which is the hardest thing of all. But the best, as well.”
“Why wasn’t friendship as good as a relationship? Why wasn’t it even better? It was two people who remained together, day after day, bound not by sex or physical attraction or money or children or property, but only by the shared agreement to keep going, the mutual dedication to a union that could never be codified.”
“None of them really wanted to listen to someone else’s story anyway; they only wanted to tell their own.”
“Harold sighs. “Jude,” he says, “there’s not an expiration date on needing help, or needing people. You don’t get to a certain age and it stops.”
“My life, he will think, my life. But he won’t be able to think beyond this, and he will keep repeating the words to himself—part chant, part curse, part reassurance—as he slips into that other world that he visits when he is in such pain, that world he knows is never far from his own but that he can never remember after: My life.”
Thank you for reading my love letter to A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara. It was definitely a reading experience I wasn’t expecting to enjoy as much as I did. But I have no doubt that this cast of characters and this story will stay with me forever.
I’m so happy to have this space to share my thoughts on the stories I love with you. I’ll be writing more love letters to other books in the future!
Have you read A Little Life? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Until next time,
- Madeline
this book is a masterclass in characterization. I have heard many people call this book trauma porn but all of life is one big trauma so I ignore them. Lovely piece!!
I have never loved a book more, and a book has never torn me apart more ferociously. A Little Life is a thing of supreme beauty.