love notes 08: a list of all the things i need to hear right now
a list of reminders, what i read this week, weekly recommendations and more
I’ve written a lot about the crippling self-doubt that comes with being a writer this week.
At first I was worried that my attempts to write about this feeling would come across like I was demanding sympathy. Or — since I have created a space where my identity is intertwined with literature so intimately — that I was exposing myself as some kind of a fraud. But it seems so many of you resonated so deeply with my thoughts and feelings. And it’s made me fall in love with our little community of writers and book lovers even more.
It might seem cliche, but it really does feel like we’re all in this together.
I wanted to end this week with something to collectively inspire us to continue our pursuit of our creative dreams. So here is a list of all the things I need to hear right now as a writer who struggles with paralysing self-doubt — but also as a human being who is striving to be better.
Since so many of you connected with my post about feeling like a bad writer, I thought perhaps you needed to hear some of these reminders too:
This season of despair is only temporary — it won’t last forever.
Powering through today was difficult, but I did it. I am doing my best and that’s enough for now.
Some days it is difficult to write and as I stare at the blank document the self-doubt feels suffocating, but with every word I continue to write, I am taking my power back.
It’s nice to receive validation for my work from others, but I’m also capable of validating my own work. I see it’s beauty, I feel it’s power.
There is someone out there who needs to read the words I’m writing — it’s important that I work hard to someday release them into the world so they find that special somebody who needs their warm embrace.
The saddest story in the world is the one left untold. I don’t want to regret keeping my stories so close to my chest that I never share them with others. Imagine the waves of change they could create.
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I’m not a writer like V. E. Schwab. I’m not a writer like Ottessa Moshfegh. I’m not a writer like Leigh Bardugo or Mona Awad or Maggie Stiefvater. And that’s a good thing. I am my own type of writer. I don’t want to be like somebody else, I don’t want to lose myself either.
I will not dull my work just so it will be more widely loved.
I don’t have anything to prove to anyone when it comes to my writing. I am a writer — nobody can pry that out of my hands or my heart. I am a writer, I am a writer, I am a writer.
The emotions I feel for writing are there because it’s important to me. It wouldn’t hurt this much if it wasn’t something I was passionate about.
To become the writer I dream of becoming, that I thirst to be, I need to fully devote myself to the craft. But not to the point that all the joy seeps out between my fingers and my love turns into hatred.
The best way to silence the voice that whispers, shouts, sniggers “I’m a bad writer” is to laugh in it’s face and keep on writing anyway.
I keep this little mismatched list of reminders on my phone because I realised that I need to metamorphose into the kind, honey-sweet voice I seek out for comfort when the self-doubt becomes too much. Maybe I really can become my own biggest cheerleader. I’m determined to try at least.
What do you need to hear right now? I’d love for you to share them below, perhaps they’ll resonate with somebody else who needs to hear them too!
part i: what i read this week
I haven’t finished a book this week. The sickness that ravaged our house last week finally got to me and I struggled to focus on reading at all — my worst nightmare! I need to read a book every week to feel like a real human being.
But I have been slowly making my way through Bride by Ali Hazelwood. I don’t really have any thoughts yet — but it is nice to be reading a book about vampires and werewolves again after such a long time. I feel like I’m fourteen and at the height of my paranormal romance obsession. (Is it strange that I suddenly have the urge to put Twilight posters up in my bedroom?) Let’s hope I can share some thoughts on it next week!
And I only have two article recommendations that I found particularly interesting and inspiring this week:
part ii: what i wrote this week
I’ve hit a wall with my second draft. I’m working on chapter eight and I’m finding myself questioning the direction I’m heading with it. The most surprising thing for me is that this isn’t coming from any self-doubt — it’s actually me reading through the edited chapters and seeing clearly where things aren’t working.
So I’ve slowed down on writing this weekend, and I’ve been brainstorming how to fix the beginning chapters. Maybe it’ll require a few tweaks. Maybe it might mean starting over. But I’m reminding myself that this is a normal part of the writing process and I’m not letting it get me down.
part iii: what i watched this week
Like I said, I’ve been struck with sickness this week, so I’m still continuing to rewatch old favourites instead of new ones. I know, I know. But there’s nothing better than watching your comfort show when you’re a sick mess.
But my husband and I watched two more episodes of Fallout, and I’m kind of sad that next week we’ll have it finished. It’s been such a good series — and this is coming from someone who has never played the games. We’ve also started Vice Principals, which has been a great distraction after a hectic week.
I’ve also watched some great videos on Youtube. My favourite is this video on weird literary fiction recommendations for weird girls. But you should also watch Dakota Warren’s summer reading list, this video on how to fix your story’s pacing, this ultimate video guide to dark academia books and this older (but still incredible and relevant) video analysis of The Secret History by Donna Tartt done by a classics student.
Just a short Love Notes this week!
Next week we’re back to gushing over books and reading — so in the meantime why don’t you let me know what you’ve been reading lately. I’d love to know if you have any recommendations for me.
Until next time,
- Madeline
Loved Fallout as well, such a good show!
A brilliant list of reminders, especially the one about validating your own work. Thank you 🫶